take care of my heart
by natodiangelo
Summary: Midoriya is head over heels for Todoroki, but there's no way it could ever be requited... right?


Izuku swears his heart will beat right out of his chest. He's sure Todoroki can hear it, the deafening rush of blood in his ears, must be able to but if he does he doesn't react.

It's misty and unclear when Todoroki moves. He usually looks ethereal, with his pale skin and silky hair and eyes like sharp glass, but it's more so now, with them alone and the space between them quickly decreasing. Izuku blinks once and then Todoroki's in front of him, eyes clear and unwavering, face pink.

Izuku's chest tightens and he _hopes_ , hopes so badly, and when Todoroki lifts a steady hand to his face his heart stops beating all together.

"Midoriya…"

Izuku can feel Todoroki's breath across his face, warm and sweet, can feel his own falter as they both lean in. They're close – too close, much closer than his internal alarms deem safe, but Todoroki's eyes flutter closed and his lips are pink so he ignores the alarm and plunges in-

His alarm blares out and Izuku jumps awake, quickly grabbing hold of his blankets to keep him from falling off the bed. He slams his hand over the clock to turn it off, already feeling the cold fog of disappointment wash over him.

He's getting a little tired of these dreams. Literally. It's bad enough watching Todoroki while awake, but seeing him while unconscious, too? That's just unfair.

[deku] _end me ochako_

[ochako] _another dream huh_

[deku] _im too gay for this_

* * *

Things don't get better as the day progresses. In fact, it's possible that they get worse.

Todoroki looks stunning as always when he walks into the classroom, calm and collected and nothing like the sweaty puddle that's sitting in Izuku's chair. It's – it's just not fair. Not fair that Todoroki wakes up looking _perfect_ , not fair that he doesn't realize the affect he has on most of his peers, not fair that Izuku has to sit with his heart pounding and his chest tight with something not unpleasant when Todoroki sends him a small smile before class starts.

He's fucked.

By the time lunch comes around he's hiding his head in his arms and hoping that Todoroki decides to sit somewhere else to eat.

At first, Izuku was incredibly flattered to become Todoroki's friend. Todoroki's shy, quiet and reserved and almost unapproachable in his perfection. But he chose Izuku. _He_ chooses to sit with Izuku, chooses to walk next to him and talk to him and as much as it gives fuel to his poor, puppy dog heart, it's also a tight hand slowly squeezing him to death.

Because he knows it's useless.

There's _no way_ Todoroki could ever like him back. It's impossible. More impossible even than Kacchan actually saying something nice to him. And as much as Ochako likes to tell him to keep hope, maybe Todoroki _does_ like him, you never know, he – he can't.

And so when he hears the familiar scrape of the chair in front of him being pulled back and a familiar soft sigh as someone sits down, he can't help the way his heart sinks.

"Midoriya, are you okay?" Todoroki asks, soft voice filled with concern. Izuku jumps, though he knew it was coming, and looks up into those heterochromatic eyes with his brows all furrowed like Izuku's well-doing was his number one concern, and melts a little.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine!" He says with an awkward laugh. "Just- tired."

Todoroki nods. "Training has been brutal lately."

"Definitely."

Izuku pulls out his lunch and they chat as they eat. Izuku wonders how Todoroki would react if he knew every word out of Izuku's mouth is laced with his affections, that every look and touch and smile are dancing along the edge to _ulterior motive._

But Todoroki _can't_ know. If he knew, he'd have thrown Izuku away already, unwanting of someone who can't have a single thought about him without a wistful and longing sigh.

It's eating away at Izuku, much more than he wants to admit. Ochako is the only one who knows – the only one Izuku can trust with it, aside from Iida – but she's only carrying a small amount of the weight off his chest.

After lunch, they have physical training. Izuku likes to call it his own personal hell.

Because, really, what could be worse than seeing your crush hot and sweaty, running around and fighting and yelling and did he mention _hot and sweaty?_

The answer: seeing your crush hot and sweaty, running around and fighting and yelling _in tight clothes_.

Every time Ochako passes by, Izuku remembers that he's not the only one with a crush that's killing them, and they share a look of sympathetic pain.

* * *

Izuku wants nothing more than to collapse onto his bed and shove his head into the pillows until he falls asleep, and then to, maybe, just sleep forever. Not literally, because he still wants to become a better hero and get stronger and, y'know, actually protect people and stuff, but he really would rather not think about Todoroki for the rest of the night.

Of course, that doesn't happen.

Instead, he collapses onto his bed, shoves his face into his pillows, heaves a deep sigh and hears a knock on his door.

He knows it isn't Ochako; she stopped knocking long ago. He thinks maybe it's Kirishima, or Sero, or maybe Kaminari trying to drag him off to do something he probably shouldn't. But it isn't.

Standing outside his door is Todoroki – perfect, beautiful Todoroki, holding a couple notebooks with a pencil behind his ear, face pink in a way that Izuku is pretty sure he's hallucinating. He's got a smile on – the one he seems to have just for Izuku, in small moments where Izuku thinks his heart will explode. This might be another one of those moments.

"We have a test tomorrow," Todoroki says, voice smooth and soft and so very calming. "I thought we could study together, if you're not busy."

"No! I mean- I'm not busy!" He steps back from the door to let Todoroki in. "I would appreciate the help, thank you."

Todoroki walks in and they make themselves comfortable on his bed. It isn't the first time they've hung out – since they've become friends, Todoroki seems to want to be around him more and more. Which sends into him both a happy feeling that's melting his internal organs and also a feeling of dread. He tries to ignore that second part.

As they pull their materials out and start working, Izuku lets himself glance over at Todoroki. He happens to look right as Todoroki is pushing his hair behind his ear, reading over one of the documents. A few strands slip out of his grip, falling back in front of his eyes. Izuku grasps at the sheets below him to keep from reaching up and pushing it back himself.

Todoroki catches him looking, and turns toward him. "Do you have a question?"

Izuku flounders for a moment, casting his eyes away and down toward his notebook. Thank god he actually listens to teachers advice and writes his questions down in the margins of his notes. "Y-yeah, actually, I was wondering…"

Things are mostly okay after that. Todoroki talks him through most of the material, and when he tries to apologize, Todoroki says it helps him remember better, too, so he doesn't feel too bad.

He feels proud of himself for not letting his feelings get the better of him this time. He was able to _actually_ study, not interrupted by unhelpful thoughts. At least, not too much.

He lets himself glance up at Todoroki again, watches as his eyes move steadily over the page he's ready. He's biting his lip, Izuku realizes, and he can't tear his eyes away from it for a moment as his heart jumps into his throat. But then it's replaced by Todoroki's eyes watching him, and all of him jumps.

"Midoriya." Todoroki says, and Izuku doesn't know what he means by it – doesn't know if he's figured it out, if he's mad, if he's about to storm out of Izuku's room and never speak to him again-

And Izuku realizes right then how close they are, thighs pressed almost entirely together, warm and soft. He realizes that the space between their faces, between their lips – and he can't help glancing down at them, at the thought – how it isn't as much as he thought, and maybe he's hallucinating again, probably, but the space is decreasing. He can nearly feel Todoroki's breath on his face, can smell what's probably his shampoo, sweet and subtle, can feel one of Todoroki's hands settle on his thigh. And they _really_ are close now, and Todoroki's eyes are fluttering shut and Izuku's about to do the same when-

His door opens with a bang as Ochako lets herself in. Izuku and Todoroki jump apart, and Izuku _really, really_ doesn't know what was happening – what he was letting happen, what he _wants_ to happen – but they all freeze, and Izuku can feel himself go completely red.

"Did- did I interrupt…?"

"No!" Izuku says, too loud and too fast, voice pitched a little higher than normal. He avoids Todoroki's gaze as he continues. "We, uh- we're just studying. For the test tomorrow."

Ochako looks like she's holding back a smile. "Well, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to walk to dinner together. But-" she's _definitely_ holding back a smile, one that he doesn't want to see. "I'll let you two come down on your own."

With that, she leaves, shutting the door behind her.

Izuku experiences the most awkward and painful silence he's probably ever experienced as they pack up their stuff. Once they're out of his room, he says something about going to the bathroom and runs off before he does anything else embarrassing.

His phone has about fifty new messages from Ochako, and he hides in one of the stalls before reading them.

[ochako] _hey its almost time for dinner you want to walk with me?_

[ochako] deku?

[ochako] _im coming over okay b ready_

There's a time gap, and then more messages.

[ochako] _DEKU IM SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO WALK IN ON THAT HONEST_

[ochako] _….did you guys actually kiss tho?!_

[ochako] _deku if I ruined your chance im so sorry you can punch me ill take it_

[ochako] _actually no bc even if he didn't kiss you right then he DEFINITELY wanted to which means he'll probably want to again_

[ochako] _so you still have a chance!_

[ochako] _…..seriously tho im so sorry i didnt know he was in there with you otherwise i wouldnt have interrupted_

That's the end of the conversation. He locks his phone and stares down at it.

They…. Were they really about to kiss? That's definitely what it felt like, at least, and just thinking of it makes his heart give an off rhythm beat. But… Todoroki doesn't like him like that, or at least he thought. Ochako's voice breaks through his mind, telling him _of course he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't try to kiss you!_ And though he _desperately_ wants to believe those words, he just can't.

It was a fluke, he decides. Homework induced delusions, or something. It sounded reasonable; homework had done worse to him before. A mistake.

He exits the stall and looks at himself in the mirror. Still bright red, a vivid contrast to his green hair. He turns on the faucet and splashes cold water onto his face, trying unsuccessfully to return his heart beat to something that doesn't make it seem like he just ran a marathon.

He spends another few minutes letting the water run over his hands, before sighing and shutting it off. He can't hide out forever in the bathroom – at least, not _this_ bathroom, the community one on this floor. Todoroki could possibly use it, and then hiding here would be useless anyways.

So, he makes his way to dinner, and sits down carefully between Ochako and Iida, thankfully on the other end of the table from Todoroki – who he very purposefully doesn't look at.

"Deku?" Ochako asks as he sits down, brows furrowed. She looks guilty, and when she speaks her voice betrays that as well. "Are you okay?"

He gives her a look that he hopes says _of course I am, everything's fine_ and not _I'm two seconds away from bawling my heart out and I'd really like to_ not _do that._

"I'm so sorry, Deku." She says. Iida gives them a questioning look.

"It's okay, really. Nothing was happening, so there's nothing to apologize for." Maybe if he says it enough, his heart will finally believe him.

"Nothing was happening? That didn't look like nothing to me." She says. Iida's frown grows deeper, and he scoots closer probably without realizing it.

"It was nothing! It- he- we-"

"Deku." This time, there's sympathy in her eyes. Izuku breaks. He puts his face in his hands.

"We were _this close,_ " he says, holding his fingers less than an inch away from each other. She puts a comforting hand on back.

"I know. I saw."

" _This close-"_ He takes a deep, shuttering breath. "It's never gonna happen again. There's- there's no way."

" _What_ are you two talking about?" Tenya finally asks, setting down his chopsticks and turning fully toward the two of them.

Izuku opens his mouth once, twice, swallows, and tries again. "…Todoroki almost kissed me." He whispers. Tenya's fingers fly to his glasses.

"Isn't that good?" He asks.

"I walked in on it," Ochako explains regretfully. "So it didn't happen."

"Ah." Tenya pauses, fingers still positioned on his glasses, before setting one hand on Izuku's back. "That must've been disappointing."

"You can say that again."

"That must've been disappointing."

Izuku cracks a smile.

"Hopefully…" Tenya pauses again, face going pink. "Hopefully next time will be less disappointing."

"N-next time?" His stomach drops a little. "I don't-"

"Izuku," Ochako says. She puts one hand on each of his cheeks, staring straight into his eyes. "There. Will. Be. A. Next. Time. Believe me."

He tries to nod, remembers her hold, and mumbles, "Yeah, okay."

She gives him a bright smile before turning back to her food.

A sudden, overwhelming appreciation for his friends wells up in him, and he nearly can't hold back tears as he chokes out, "Thank you."

"Of course." Tenya says.

"What're friends for?" Ochako says.

* * *

Shouto doesn't know where he went wrong.

Well, that's a lie; he knows _exactly_ where he went wrong, where this whole, drawn out mess of _feelings_ and _emotions_ and _pining_ came from, and it's all because of Midoriya Izuku.

Midoriya and his mess of curly, unruly green hair and his bright smile and his kind words that make him feel like he's lost control of his quirk he's so warm. Midoriya and his stuttering and blushing and study session except they aren't a study session at all, not with the eyes on his face the whole time.

He's in his room after dinner, staring down at his pale hands, wondering what god hates him. He- he was _so close,_ earlier today, _so close_ to the thing he's been wanting for so long, and-

It was gone just like that. Literally from under his hands.

His face flushes just at the memory – Midoriya so close to him, face wonderfully red and lips parted. He kept glancing down at Shouto's lips and so he thought that maybe, just maybe, it was okay and took the plunge.

But Uraraka had walked in, and the moment was shattered into a million little pieces.

Shouto isn't good with emotions – growing up being told they're useless isn't the best way to become comfortable with them. This is no exception. He doesn't _know_ what's going on with Midoriya, doesn't know what he's feeling aside from knowing that he _wants_ him. Wants to be friends, or, or something more. Wants to be around him constantly, wants to talk to him and touch him and – and kiss him.

He chews on his lip, a bad habit he hasn't ever been able to break. He'd almost done that last thing today. He wasn't sure where it had come from, either – one moment they're studying, and the next he's leaning closer and closer and closing his eyes-

He puts his head in his hands and reaches up to ruffle his own hair wildly. Midoriya is doing all sorts of things with his brain that he doesn't like. He doesn't feel in control around him, doesn't feel like he can hold himself back.

He- he needs to talk to someone. Of course, the first person that comes to mind is Midoriya, but Shouto doesn't think talking to him would be the best. He needs someone else.

He's standing up and walking out of his room before he really registers it, getting in the elevator and waiting impatiently while it goes down. When he steps out and into the common room, his eyes immediately land on the one person he wants to see.

"Yaoyorozu." She's sitting on the couch with Jirou and Kaminari, and looks up when called, smiling.

"Todoroki. What's up?"

"I need to talk to you." He's sure his expression doesn't look nice; he remembers being told before that his resting face looks cold, and he's sure this one is even worse. But he can't find it in himself to care right now. He holds back the impulse to chew his lip again.

She seems to understand that it's something important, and so she gives Jirou an apologetic look before following him.

"Is something wrong? You seem upset." She asks him as they step back onto the elevator. Once the doors close he lets out a heavy breath and turns to her.

"I need help."

Her frown deepens. "Has something happened? If it's an emergency we should get a teacher-"

"No, it's- it's not." He swallows, floundering for the right words. "I… need advice. On romance."

She blinks at him, and then an amused smile breaks out on her face. "Do you have someone you like?"

The elevator doors open, and he lets the question sit in the air as they walk to his room. Once they're inside and settled across from each other on the floor, he responds. "Midoriya."

"Mi-" She pauses, eyes going wide. "You- you like Midoriya?"

Hearing it causes his chest to tighten, and again that feeling of losing control of his quirk washes over him. He doesn't want to think of how red his face is becoming. Not trusting his voice, he nods.

"Oh." Another pause. "And you want advice?"

He nods again.

She leans back on her arms for a moment, thinking. "I don't have much experience on this, to tell you the truth. Someone like Kaminari or Kirishima might be better to give advice."

His heart sinks. Other than Midoriya, she was the only one he had really made a connection with so far, and the thought of asking one of his other classmates about this personal topic…

"But…" She continues, "I would think the easiest thing to do would just be to tell him, right?"

It's his turn to blink. It was that simple? He voices the thought, and Yaoyorozu laughs.

"I mean, I think so." She leans forward again, putting her hands in her lap. "I feel like it's always best to be forward with people, if you can."

Shouto takes a moment to think over her words. Just the idea of _telling_ Midoriya sends his stomach twisting into hard knots. He has spent so much of his life hiding his thoughts and feelings from people – from his father. It was a foreign thought, simply telling Midoriya how he felt. Too easy.

It takes him a minute to recognize the emotion he's feeling – fear. Apprehension. Nervousness. He's _scared_ to confess, and that's a thought that sends him even further into his mind.

"Todoroki?" She asks, concerned. He shakes his head a little before opening his mouth.

"I think you're right." He says eventually. And he _does –_ it sounds much better than shoving it down like he's had to before, even if the thought sends something cold and unpleasant down his throat and into his stomach. "I'm just… scared, I think."

"Well, of course you are." It surprises him when she says it, but she's looking at him with sympathy. "It's something new, right? That's always scary. Plus, you don't know how he feels."

Those are all valid points. Shouto _really_ doesn't know how Midoriya feels – especially after today. He wonders if that almost kiss today would ruin the friendship they had if Midoriya doesn't reciprocate his feelings, and his stomach drops again.

"…I might have messed something up." He says. Yaoyorozu looks at him questioningly. "We were studying together earlier today, and I almost kissed him."

"What?" She exclaims. "You- you did?"

"Almost."

"How did that mess things up?" She asks, then lets out a soft gasp. "Did he push you away?"

He shakes his head. "No, no he didn't. Uraraka walked in, and he jumped away from me." He covers his face his with hand, suddenly embarrassed.

"Oh, Todoroki." He peaks at her through his fingers. "I think you should tell him how you feel."

"Really?"

"Yes." He heaves in a breath, holds it, lets it out, and then lowers his hand. Then, he stands up. "I'm going to go tell him."

"R-right now?"

"Yeah."

He steps around her and opens his door, not looking back as he heads for the elevator. Hopefully Midoriya is in his room, he thinks as he clicks the button for the second floor. He doesn't want to pull him away from the common area like he did Yaoyorozu.

He realizes belatedly that he should thank her, and makes a mental note to do something especially nice for her.

But that's not what's important right now. What he needs to focus on right now is getting his hands to stop shaking.

Too soon, the elevator stops and spits him out, and he walks too fast to get to Midoriya's door. His hand is still shaking as he raises it to knock for the second time that day.

There's nothing for a minute, and then he hears moving around, and a second later the door is opening to reveal a slightly disheveled Midoriya.

"T-Todoroki?"

"I have to tell you something." He says before Midoriya can say anything else. Midoriya just stands there, eyes wide, staring at him, so he pushes on. "Midoriya, I…" He swallows. "I like you."

Midoriya blinks, once, twice, three times. He opens his mouth and closes it. Blinks again. "What?" he asks weakly.

"I like you." Shouto bites his lip.

Midoriya blinks once more, averts his eyes, and immediately starts crying.

"M-Midoriya?" Shouto's heart drops. He doesn't like him back. He said something wrong. He did _something_ and now-

Midoriya wipes at his eyes with his hands, shaking his head. "No, no, I'm- I'm fine." He laughs, wet and relieved. "I like you, too."

The world freezes for a second, or a minute, or a year – Shouto can't tell. He watches distantly as Midoriya continues to brush away his tears, can vaguely hear the roar of blood in his ears. And after that second, or minute, or year – he still can't tell, everything thaws and before he can stop himself he's moving Midoriya's hands aside, swiping up the tears with his thumb and smiling hard.

"Don't- Don't cry." He pleads, his own eyes prickling. Midoriya laughs again.

"They're happy tears." He sniffs.

There's movement behind Midoriya, and Shouto realizes for the first time that Uraraka was in the room with Midoriya the whole time. She gives him an apologetic smile, before gesturing – opens her arms out wide, an invitation. He understands.

He pulls Midoriya into the hug as gently as he can, and Midoriya melts against him, hands tangling into his shirt and face pressing into his shoulder. Like this, Shouto can see just how much shorter Midoriya is, and its just more fuel for the giddy feeling rising up in him.

"I'm sorry-" Midoriya laughs against him. "I shouldn't be crying, even if it's because I'm happy."

"No, it's fine." Shouto reassures. He looks down at the boy in his arms, and it's everything he's ever wanted. "I'm- relieved."

"That they're happy tears?"

"That you like me."

"Oh." Then, "I am, too. Relieved. That you like me."

Midoriya smiles for a moment, and then tense, and pulls away to turn back to the room. "O-Ochako…!"

Shouto looks over his shoulder to see her putting on an innocent face, phone held up as she reclines on Midoriya's bed.

"You two are just too cute." She says, and Midoriya groans even more, running forward and trying to take her phone from her.

"Delete the picture!" Midoriya tells her, laughing when she pokes him in the side and runs behind Shouto. He looks back at her, and she gives him a devious grin.

"Send it to me." He tells her. Her grin grows even bigger.

"Of course."

"Guys…"


End file.
